Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What Hurts the Most

I had every intention of posting a witty rant here today about a recent grocery store find, but after the day I've had, I'm saving the witty rant for another day.

There are so many things that I love about being a full-time mom. I love being there to witness most of the firsts in my kids lives. I love taking them to museums and play dates. I love sitting and watching cartoons and reading books. I love singing Disney Princess songs in the car with them. But don't get me wrong. There are plenty of times that I'm tired and over it and just want some quiet time by myself.

Today, I had the kids by myself from sun-up to sun-down and it seemed that the fates were working against me the whole day. During music camp in the morning, Big A drew a picture of an octopus family. It had a little sister, a big sister and a daddy. No mommy. When I asked her where the mommy was, she told me that the mommy was too big and wouldn't fit in the picture. (I have always been scared to death of my kids perceptions of my status as overweight & her comment has me seriously concerned.) Strike 1.

At lunch, Big A announced that she wished I could go to work all the time so that Daddy could stay home with them, because I don't work. ??? Strike 2.

And then the one that hit it out of the park arrived at bedtime this evening. After a very busy day of camps, crafts and all kinds of fun, Big A asked me to read her a book at bedtime. I had already read 6 books to the girls and was just not in the mood to read anymore. I promised that I would read her the book tomorrow, at which point she whined and said "I wish Daddy would be here to take care of us instead of you." Strike 3. I'm out.

Sometimes I seriously question the decision for me to be at home full-time. I gave up a great career that was really going places and could possibly have us in a better situation than we're currently in. I know that being a full-time mom is a privilege and it's one that I try desperately not to take advantage of, but when I'm hit with comments like that, it makes this a really hard pill to swallow.


Diana said...

Your profesion as well as mine... have no off days, no sick days, no vacation, we are on duty or at minimum on call 24 hours a day seven days a week. It is rewarding, overwhelming, exhausting, exciting, and entertaining. Unfortunately those lovely fruits of our wombs give us a harsh smack in the face! Emma went through I phase where she bold face told me she didn't love me and wanted me to go away. Luckily we passed that path and I have come to accept she is just a Daddy's girl. Don't get me wrong we get our hugs and snuggle, but Disney Dad is much more fun. I really get excited if Emma has the choice of Paul and I and picks me! Well enough ranting from me... lift you chin up and know the gift you are giving your gils is beautiful and wonderful and when they grow up and have children of their own they will understand your TRUE value. WE ALL have days we want to quit...and some of us do.

Kori said...

Oh Angie don't read too much into it. If it were you working they would be saying the same thing to their Dad. It'll be Ok.

brainella said...

It's really hard to be a stay-at-home mom. The person the kids see the most is the one they want the least. Know you are doing amazing things for your girls by being home with them. :-) Keep smiling, Angie!

mommy4life said...

Don't be concerned about the comment about the mommy octopus being so big it wouldn't fit in the pic. I was told one time that the person the child cares about the most is usuallly the biggest one in the picture!

Heather said...

Every mom has days where she questions her child-care decisions.

When I am off too many days in a row, my kids sometimes drive me crazy. Then I work too many days in a row, and they make me feel so guilty for being away and missing (baseball games, tooth fairy visits, etc.). It's a no-win situation.

Kids are fickle creatures. They won't truly appreciate your presence until they are grown with kids of their own. You should tell them they hurt your feelings, though. Kids need to learn that mommies can get sad, too...

Hope today is a better day.

Brandy said...

Don't take it too personal. It sounds like the girls are gotten used to having you there all the time, and maybe take it for granted a little. At the same time, they don't spend nearly as much time with Daddy so he's the elusive one in the equation.

Sometimes its a thankless job, but it's the most important one you could ever have.

Jane In The Jungle said...

Hey been there done that. It will pass!!! And it is because you spend more time with them then Jake. But don't worry, once school starts and you aren't at their beck and call, it does change. And especially as they get older...I don't hear it from D and W, just C and Girl...see the pattern!

Grace said...

This too will pass, trust me. The girls don't really mean what you heard. It's because you are the constant one right now... and daddy is only there for short bursts of times due to work. I feel your love for your children in your posting. I applaud those that are SAHMs... I think I would go crazy... so I have hit a happy medium right now in my career... I work part time. Still able to be there for the moments that matter now and in the future. Hugs

Amy said...

Oh it'll pass. Sometimes kids are, without meaning to be, sort of jerks.

If you worked you'd just trade the guilt and things that bother you now for a different set. TRUST ME on that.

Shannon said...

I feel ya.

Being a SAHM is the the most thankless job in the world... and the kids don't realize that it is just that... a JOB.

I swear, if Michaela tells me one more time that I'm lazy... I'm going on strike.

Kat said...

First...I wish I could give you a huge hug.

Okay...the octopus family does not have to symbolize your family! Your kids are not into psychobabble...don't put words or pictures into her mouth :-)

And the things about them rathering that Jake was there instead of you...I am sure that my kids think the same thing. And for's because we do the boring things. Like go to the dentist. The post office. The bank. That kind of stuff.

And when I need a break...what does Michael take them to do? To the park. To get ice cream. Bowling. You get the picture? Daddy is always going to be the fun one.

They won't appreciate it till they are older. Maybe not even until they have toddlers of their own.

The key is to be confident in yourself and the role you CHOOSE to take on. You are happy. Your kids will be happy. No matter what.

Love ya!!!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Don't take it too much to heart. The older they get the more you hear that they "hate you" and such. It's just part of being a mom.

Angela said...

I just read this and I am SO sorry I did not have more time today to check in. If it makes you feel any better, you would have hated my life today too. Work sucks right now. Hang in there and just remember, the grass isn't greener, I promise!! Love you!

Lisa said...


Michelle said...

Yikes! Defnitely not a good day, but ... kids want whoever isn't around. And whoever they see as the more lenient parent. And will say things to try to manipulate you. Here's hoping today was better.

And I'm so with Angela on the grass is greener. I was full time and Mister Man wanted NOTHING to do with me and would scream "no" when he saw me. I stayed home full time. I lasted six months. I work part time and have for 2 1/2 years. I'm ready to quit my job and stay home. Treasure the good days, and do you best to forget the bad ones.


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